My First Day

I am addicted to my scale.  I have no power over it.  It consumes my day, my thoughts, my actions.  This little piece of plastic and metal is now controlling my life.  It has been for the past 15 years.  How did I get to this?  How can I move forward.  The first step is realizing I have a problem.  I do.  I admit it.  I have a problem with over-weighing myself.  I am going to call it like it is.  It is an idol in my life.  An idol is anything you focus and trust in more than God.  I say I trust in God, but am I really if I continue to turn to this "square god".  I have to give it up.  It is taking over my life.  I don't want to give it up, but what has it done for me.  It has left me hopeless, never satisfied, fearful, and always wishing for something more.  My life is not moving forward.  It is every so slowly slipping into a pit of despair.  Well, I am done.  I have a problem.  It is a big problem, but I am ready to move forward.  I need help.  I pretend I am strong and confident, but I am not.  I am scared that people will see the real me and not like it.  I put up a facade.  I am really a scared child who can't get out of a dark room.  God, it is time for me to see what it is like to trust you.  I want to see if You can satisfy me in a way this scale never could.  I give it up.  No more sneaking to buy a scale.  No more sneaking to the gym at 10pm at night to weigh myself and then the next day at 3pm and back again at night.  No more going into a store just to weigh myself.  I say no more but I am so afraid of failing.  I know I am so capable of weighing myself.  My goal is to go a whole year without weighing myself.  Here is my journey.  I come to you at 134 pounds.  I always weigh around 133-134, but every time I go longer than a day without weighing I truly believe I must have reached 150.  I am messed up!!! I am not trying to hide that fact.  Jesus, you are more important than my scale.  Help me to live that statement out.  Let the journey begin.  Teach me tons of stuff Jesus, break me, humble me, build me back up in your image.  Show me your strength.  You have to start somewhere.  My journey begins.