Day 10a

Humility is key!  God is showing me that I have not fully given Him my whole life.  I still was trying to hold on to different things to show that I could do it.  That I didn't need His help.  Boy was I wrong.  I am seeing that we, as humans, are so frail.  We need God.  I thought for so many years that I could be healthy and balanced and justified on my own.  I only dug a deeper hole for myself.  My pride has blinded me to how big of a hole I dug for myself.  James 4:6 says that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.  Jesus, continue to break my pride and show me my need for you.  You are my creator.  I need you for life and godliness.  On another note, I didn't realize how wounded I became with "weight issues" from comments that were told to me in my early teen years.  I was running cross country and was started to be pretty good by my freshman year in high school.  My body was maturing though, and I had gained weight coming back my 9th grade year after the summer.  My coach told me to lose some weight and my dad told me during high school as well that he would buy me a car if I lost weight.  That devastated me.  I tried to deal with the hurt by dieting and running longer and faster, but that did not heal the pain.  It crushed me that two people I admired so much saw a problem with me.  I started achieving more, running more to try and justify myself to them.  In fact, it started then, but I still see those patterns today.  Today it looks like running more, trying to go back to school to have a more prestigious job, still trying to get my body back to what it was the summer before my 9th grade year, trying to impress others, etc.  Jesus, however, says, I love you completely and totally in your mess right now.  You are justified to me.  Cease trying and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10).  Rest in my love because I love you with a love that will never compare to anything in this world right now just as you are.  I am loved.  I am loved enough to be healed by my Creator.  I am worthy because I am child of THE MOST HIGH GOD, JESUS.
Fran