Day 1a

Okay, so I failed.  I realized I am not taking repentance seriously.  I weighed myself yesterday.  I haven't fully given up my idol, the scale.  I have been giving it up thinking that I am going to finally eat right after 15 years.  I haven't given it up totally to the Lord regardless of anything.  I haven't given it up to the point that if I eat bad for ten days and feel like I have gained 10 pounds that I am still not going to weigh myself because I want to be faithful to the Lord.  I haven't decided to turn away from it and start walking completely in the opposite directions.  That is my heart, Lord, please help me.  I realize that I am powerless over this.  I honestly CANNOT do this on my own.  I have to be serious about laying it before the Lord.  There is still a huge part of me that thinks, I just need to man up and do it.  Well, I can't do it.  I need the Lord to walk me through this.  I have to lean on Him.  I am completely powerless.  I need Him to walk me through this.  I wanted to weigh today, but I didn't.  I feel stress rising up inside of me because I don't know the number on the scale.  However, I know, even though I don't feel it right now, that it is more important to be faithful to God.  Approval of others is too important to me.  I realized this while I was watching my two oldest boys play flag football (that my husband is coaching).  My stomach was in knots scared that someone was going to belittle my husband and his coaching ability.  It is a child's flag football program, seriously?  I obviously have a long way to go.  The blessing in this is that it shows my need for Jesus.  I need Him for sanity, confidence, endurance, unconditional love.  Thank you Jesus for your forgiveness and faithfulness to me.  So, here I start again.  Jesus, make me a faithful follower.
Fran