Day 14a

Okay, so the past two weeks I have been seeking God about how He wanted me to eat.  I wanted and want something that I can do for the rest of my life.  I do not want a diet.  I want health and balance.  I went into Barnes and Noble today because I had a gift certificate.  I wasn't even going looking for a book but I was chasing Thomas around the store.  I ended up near the nutrition section and saw this book title, I Can Make You Thin by Paul McKenna.  It seemed like a non-diet book.  I got it without really looking into it too deeply because my almost two year old was having fun throwing down every book he could get his hands on, I mean every single book.  Oh my, he is wild.  I got home tonight and started reading it.  I finished the book a while ago, all 140 plus pages.  It is incredible.  One of the first things it mentioned is not weighing.  His approach is the four golden rules.  First, only eat when you are truly hungry(not ravenous and almost throwing up you are so hungry, but gentle hunger pains).  Second, he says to eat what your body is really desiring.  Third, really slow down and take the time to enjoy each bite.  Savor it, think about it, etc.  Fourth, stop when you are pleasantly satisfied.  Not stuffed but politely full :+).  This is not a diet.  It seems like a way to really keen in on the body and how God made it to fill itself appropriately for energy.  I feel like this may be the healthy approach I have been praying for.  I am going to give it a try.  If I eat when my body is telling me I am hungry and stop when I am satisfied, I don't need the scale to be my monitor.  I am using the natural system that God created in me.  Hey, we will see.  I will certainly keep you updated.  To be free from scale and diets, wow!! That would be awesome.  God, give me wisdom to follow your ways and give me hope that you can truly change me.  Moving forward in faith.
Fran

Day 13a

I haven't been able to run the past two days because I pulled a muscle in my back.  It has made me want to weigh myself, but I am not.  I haven't gone back to the gym since weighing myself last because it is too tempting to have the scale staring me in the face.  However, all can do all things through Him who gives me strength.  We will see.  I want to be wise about staying away from things that may be tempting while at the same time using my money well that I have spent on the gym.  I realized that running (even if it is intervals) cannot take the place of being faithful to what God has called me to.  I needed this little reminder(with not being able to run) that it is not about controlling externals.  It is about the heart.  I am having a hard time trying to find out what will be most honoring to God with my eating.  I need to really be seeking Him for wisdom on this instead of trying to figure it out myself.  I definitely know He doesn't want me to go to extremes.  He doesn't want me to be a glutton and He doesn't want me to starve myself either.  What is hardest for me is being consistent with something healthy.  I don't finish many things well.  I start a ton, but don't remain very consistent.  Thank goodness Jesus finished things well.  I pray to finish things well today.  Just for today from this point on.  Not worth it to focus on tomorrow or the sins in the past I have already been forgiven on.  Help me to be faithful today Jesus.
Fran

Day 12a

God is in the business of rescuing us.  Daniel 6:27, "He rescues and He saves; he performs signs and wonders in the heavens and on the earth."  I need Jesus.  I need Him to rescue me from sin.  I was thinking today that my ultimate goal in this is to let me food be to do the will of him who sent me.  I want to get to the place that my day is spent praying for others, praising God, and serving others instead of thinking about food.  I heard today about an Iranian pastor on the verge of execution standing up for his faith, a mother of three just diagnosed with breast cancer, and a dear couple at our church whose husband is going to Cuba to do door to door ministry.  When I think I these three, I don't want to eat.  I want to pray for them.  I want to pray that Jesus will do a miracle in their lives and in their ministry.  I want that Iranian pastor to be rescued, I want that mother to be healed, I want that friend to have great success in sharing God's word in Cuba.  Jesus, help my "food" this week to be to pray for them.   I love the fact that I am starting to realize that I am dependent on Jesus.  I like that I am weak because when I am weak, He is strong.  (2 Corinthians 12:7-10).  More of you, less of me.
Fran

Day 11a

I have wasted a lot of time and money in the past thinking about food, diets, running, scales, etc.  I have had to repent to the Lord about not using the things He has given wisely.  I was just thinking what it would look like if I took the money that I normally spend on fast food, gyms, scales, etc. and using it to serve others.  That is what counts for eternity.  Though I have wasted a lot of time and money, God still shows his mercy and grace.  Joel 2:25 says, "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten".  I have wasted a lot but God in His grace can, in a way, give me back those years.  I want to use those "grace years" serving Him and serving others.  I think I need to give up fast food.  It has become an idol as well.  I would be so embarrassed to know how much I have spent on soft drinks, hamburgers, etc at the drive through window.  I am actually going to be taking more cases at work to help pay back some of the money I have wasted.  No one in my family is making me do this.  I just feel that it is right.  I feel like I need to have that discipline.  The good thing is that even though I am working to pay back bad mistakes, I don't have to work to earn God's favor and love.  It is unconditional love that is not dependent on me.  It is all based on the work of Jesus on the cross, taking my sin, nailing it to the cross, and rising from the dead to defeat sin and death.  Romans 6:23, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord".  Still no scales.  I don't have that strong desire to weigh right now like I did at the beach.  God, help me to continue on this journey of freedom.  It just thundered so loud outside.  God is so powerful.  The same God that controls the sky, lightning, rain, wind with just a word is the same God who loves me and gives me new mercy every morning.  YAY!!! 
Fran

Day 10a

Humility is key!  God is showing me that I have not fully given Him my whole life.  I still was trying to hold on to different things to show that I could do it.  That I didn't need His help.  Boy was I wrong.  I am seeing that we, as humans, are so frail.  We need God.  I thought for so many years that I could be healthy and balanced and justified on my own.  I only dug a deeper hole for myself.  My pride has blinded me to how big of a hole I dug for myself.  James 4:6 says that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.  Jesus, continue to break my pride and show me my need for you.  You are my creator.  I need you for life and godliness.  On another note, I didn't realize how wounded I became with "weight issues" from comments that were told to me in my early teen years.  I was running cross country and was started to be pretty good by my freshman year in high school.  My body was maturing though, and I had gained weight coming back my 9th grade year after the summer.  My coach told me to lose some weight and my dad told me during high school as well that he would buy me a car if I lost weight.  That devastated me.  I tried to deal with the hurt by dieting and running longer and faster, but that did not heal the pain.  It crushed me that two people I admired so much saw a problem with me.  I started achieving more, running more to try and justify myself to them.  In fact, it started then, but I still see those patterns today.  Today it looks like running more, trying to go back to school to have a more prestigious job, still trying to get my body back to what it was the summer before my 9th grade year, trying to impress others, etc.  Jesus, however, says, I love you completely and totally in your mess right now.  You are justified to me.  Cease trying and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10).  Rest in my love because I love you with a love that will never compare to anything in this world right now just as you are.  I am loved.  I am loved enough to be healed by my Creator.  I am worthy because I am child of THE MOST HIGH GOD, JESUS.
Fran

Day 7a-9a

I just got back from the beach.  I did not have internet access so I could not post on Friday and Saturday.  No scale so far.  I must admit.  I really wanted to use it on Friday.  I ate more than I should have Friday and got fearful.  My baby was up most of the night, and I just felt the stress piling on.  I was almost a little anxious about it to be quite honest.  However, I did not go try to find a scale.  Normally, in the past, I would have found a Target or Wal-Mart and used a scale or bought one and hid it.  Crazy, I know.  I laid in bed that night thinking it is about me making long term healthy decisions that honor God and not giving in to that idol.  I wanted it, but I know God is more powerful.  I woke up the next morning and went on a run for health.  In the past, I would have ran 12+ miles to cover me for the day before.  I didn't even though I wanted to.  I can't live like a yo yo for the rest of my life.  I want to be balanced.  I want to be about my Father's business.  I am really seeking God about what I personally need to do as far as eating.  When I overate in the past, I would turn to my scale to get back down to where I needed to be quickly.  It would usually just take a day or two to get back where I felt comfortable.  This has been a "unhealthy treadmill" that I stay on but can't get off of.  I get nowhere.  I don't digress weight wise, but I don't move forward with my relationship with the Lord.  I want to move ahead and not stay stuck.  Jesus, give me wisdom for the best, healthy food plan that can get my focus off food, diet, scale, etc and onto your kingdom.  I am going to talk to a wise, godly, healthy man tomorrow and run all of this by him to get his take.  Pray for wisdom from this.   One thing I did realize, I spent a lot of time thinking about this over the weekend and hardly no time in God's Word.  First mistake, I know.  Forgive me Jesus. 
Fran

Day 6a

Just went on a run at the dam.  When I started, there was a  light sprinkle but then it turned into an all out downpour.  It was so fun running in the pouring rain.  On the way home, I saw a little sprinkler watering someone's grass while it was pouring rain.  I was thinking that I am like the grass with that little sprinkler.  I work so hard on my own to get that little bit of water from the sprinkler when God is ready to give a downpour of His blessing if I will just walk in obedience.  Going to the beach today with friends.  Usually I would try to run a LONG way and starve myself the day before to have a good number on the scale.  Ridiculous!  I ran a little way this morning to be healthy, and my goal is to have three reasonable meals today.  Who cares how I look in a bathing suit?  I want to go and enjoy the people God has placed in my life and hopefully encourage them in some way.  No scale today.
Fran

Day 5a

John 4:34, "My food", said Jesus, "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work."  Jesus was focused on earth to His Father's plan.  I pray that I can stay on target.  I pray that I can keep my eyes focused on eternity and the work God has for me.  May it be more important than food.  I pray that the earthly food I eat will be used as energy to accomplish His purpose.  That will be a good prayer before each meal.  Jesus, help me eat exactly what you want me too and this meal to have the energy to accomplish your purpose until I eat again.  Another cool thing is that we have the same power in us as followers of Christ that raised Christ from the dead.  That is POWER! Ephesians 1:19-21, "and his incomparably great power for us who believe.  That power is like the working of his mighty strength which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given not only in the present age but also in the one to come."  It is hard to imagine that we have that same power.  I ate more than I needed today.  I didn't gorge myself on food, but I could have had energy with less.  Jesus, continue to give me wisdom and endurance in this area.  No scale today.  Surprisingly, I did not crave it today.  Who knows what I will feel like tomorrow.  Help me to focus on today. 
Fran

Day 4a

Galatians 5:1, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."  Christ wants me to be free.  The Lord of the Universe who created everything and is in control of all things wants freedom for me.  If He wants it for me, then I am going to start praying that.  However, I am tired of life being about me.  I want to pray this for others.  I have several friends that are in bondage.  I want them to be free just as much as I want to be free.  I have a dad who really needs to be set free.  I am praying this for him as well.  It is so cool to think that God wants us to "get it".  He wants us to live according to His Word because He knows there is where we will be most satisfied and "sane" :+)  He wants us to love Him not out of selfishness but because He knows that is healthiest for us.   I had a good day today.  No scale, ate reasonably(could be better, but baby steps right).  However, when this is done, I really don't want people to notice externals.  I don't want the goal to be a weight of 112.  I want the goal to be RIGHTEOUSNESS and a greater love for others and FREEDOM IN CHRIST.  I got an email from a friend yesterday who talked about the fact that if God is concerned about changing the heart we may not see external results right away, but that is okay because it starts from within.  Jesus, change me from within.  Help people not to notice an external change in me as far as appearance but an internal change of the heart.  Teach me more about "this freedom stuff".  I like it.  My oldest child just informed me that my toddler just had an accident all on our carpet.  Off to clean.  Give me patience Lord.
Fran

Day3a

I just had a friend tell me at supper in the midst of talking about everything under the sun that she noticed I love to eat.  That gave me pause.  I do love to eat.  Too much.  Could this be an idol in my life as well?  I think I know the answer.  I give food too much thought.  I spend too much of our money on fast food.  I think about what I am going to eat next while I am still eating something else.  It is too important in my life.  Going to the scale help me control the amount of food I ate in the past.  Now that I am trying to not go to the scale, I want to use God as my monitor.  I want to use the natural system He gave me in my body to know when I am hungry and know when I am full.  I want to trust Him with that.  Okay, I realize my idols are growing.  Jesus, help me to stop wasting my time and money on food.  Help my food be to do your will.  Be my Bread of Life and my Living Water.  Become more important while food becomes less important.  Jesus change me from the inside out.  I noticed today I started out thinking I wanted to run more so I could eat more......so yet another idol, running.  I have purposely given up "long distance" running for a season so I won't use it to control my weight and control how much food I can have.  Wow!  Keep showing me stuff Jesus.  I want to be purified.  I want to be FREE to serve You and glorify you with my life.  I need some "power washing" from the inside out.  I trust you Jesus but I must admit I am a little scared.  Keep me away from those wretched scales, so far so good only by your grace Jesus.
Fran

Day 2a

Psalm 62:5,"Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him."  Today, God put on my heart that I need to live for eternity.  This life is not about the present.  It is about living for the Lord in every area of my life as I wait for His return.  I am not living for this life.  I am living for eternity.  Jesus, I pray my choices today will Honor you for eternity.  Jesus, give me love for your creation.  Give me a desire to follow after you with all my heart.  Help me not to live for my selfish desires but help me to live for you.  I pray that today the way I treat others will bring you Glory.  The scale dims in comparison to a whole eternity without the presence of the Lord.  I want to live with Jesus forever.  I want to enjoy His presence in heaven.  I want to fellowship with believers in heaven for all my days.  Is it worth giving up all of that to trust in an idol.  Of course not!  Jesus, set that in my heart today.  Keep my eyes focused on the prize.  Please show me how to die to self and live for You.  In every area of my life, from eating to witnessing to loving my family, may I set my eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of my Faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, to sit at the right hand of the Father, full of grace and truth.  Jesus, I want to REALLY KNOW YOU.  Set me on the course of eternity. 

Day 1a

Okay, so I failed.  I realized I am not taking repentance seriously.  I weighed myself yesterday.  I haven't fully given up my idol, the scale.  I have been giving it up thinking that I am going to finally eat right after 15 years.  I haven't given it up totally to the Lord regardless of anything.  I haven't given it up to the point that if I eat bad for ten days and feel like I have gained 10 pounds that I am still not going to weigh myself because I want to be faithful to the Lord.  I haven't decided to turn away from it and start walking completely in the opposite directions.  That is my heart, Lord, please help me.  I realize that I am powerless over this.  I honestly CANNOT do this on my own.  I have to be serious about laying it before the Lord.  There is still a huge part of me that thinks, I just need to man up and do it.  Well, I can't do it.  I need the Lord to walk me through this.  I have to lean on Him.  I am completely powerless.  I need Him to walk me through this.  I wanted to weigh today, but I didn't.  I feel stress rising up inside of me because I don't know the number on the scale.  However, I know, even though I don't feel it right now, that it is more important to be faithful to God.  Approval of others is too important to me.  I realized this while I was watching my two oldest boys play flag football (that my husband is coaching).  My stomach was in knots scared that someone was going to belittle my husband and his coaching ability.  It is a child's flag football program, seriously?  I obviously have a long way to go.  The blessing in this is that it shows my need for Jesus.  I need Him for sanity, confidence, endurance, unconditional love.  Thank you Jesus for your forgiveness and faithfulness to me.  So, here I start again.  Jesus, make me a faithful follower.
Fran

Day 2

I weighed myself for the last time yesterday around 10am.  I am wondering right now what I weigh.  I don't like knowing, but it is the only way I can trust God.  If I keep relying on the scale, I trust in it instead of my Heavenly Father.  It never satisfies.  God promises that He can satisfy.  I want to know what it means to walk by faith and not by sight.  My life has been full of fail attempts.  I have started so many things, that I have not finished.  One of them is honoring God with how I eat.  When I had my scale, I could make food work for me.  I was consumed with eating, then running off what I ate, then eating some more, then running some more.  Depending on what the scale said, I would be happy or sad.  I would go to events or not go depending on the number.  I would like myself or despise myself.  It affected the way I treated others and myself.  I don't want to live the rest of my life like that.  I just want to be faithful.  How can I eat to honor the Lord?  This is what I think, relatively healthy, small meals with no snacking.  Here I go starting this second step.  First, giving up my scale for a year.  Second, eating to honor God.  We will see how it goes.  On a lighter note, I have been a light ash blonde girl for about 15 years now.  I went back to my natural color today.  It is brown, but you know, I kind of like it.  It symbolizes the change that has to start in my heart.  It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Jesus, I want to be free in You.  I love you.
Fran

My First Day

I am addicted to my scale.  I have no power over it.  It consumes my day, my thoughts, my actions.  This little piece of plastic and metal is now controlling my life.  It has been for the past 15 years.  How did I get to this?  How can I move forward.  The first step is realizing I have a problem.  I do.  I admit it.  I have a problem with over-weighing myself.  I am going to call it like it is.  It is an idol in my life.  An idol is anything you focus and trust in more than God.  I say I trust in God, but am I really if I continue to turn to this "square god".  I have to give it up.  It is taking over my life.  I don't want to give it up, but what has it done for me.  It has left me hopeless, never satisfied, fearful, and always wishing for something more.  My life is not moving forward.  It is every so slowly slipping into a pit of despair.  Well, I am done.  I have a problem.  It is a big problem, but I am ready to move forward.  I need help.  I pretend I am strong and confident, but I am not.  I am scared that people will see the real me and not like it.  I put up a facade.  I am really a scared child who can't get out of a dark room.  God, it is time for me to see what it is like to trust you.  I want to see if You can satisfy me in a way this scale never could.  I give it up.  No more sneaking to buy a scale.  No more sneaking to the gym at 10pm at night to weigh myself and then the next day at 3pm and back again at night.  No more going into a store just to weigh myself.  I say no more but I am so afraid of failing.  I know I am so capable of weighing myself.  My goal is to go a whole year without weighing myself.  Here is my journey.  I come to you at 134 pounds.  I always weigh around 133-134, but every time I go longer than a day without weighing I truly believe I must have reached 150.  I am messed up!!! I am not trying to hide that fact.  Jesus, you are more important than my scale.  Help me to live that statement out.  Let the journey begin.  Teach me tons of stuff Jesus, break me, humble me, build me back up in your image.  Show me your strength.  You have to start somewhere.  My journey begins.