Day 14a

Okay, so the past two weeks I have been seeking God about how He wanted me to eat.  I wanted and want something that I can do for the rest of my life.  I do not want a diet.  I want health and balance.  I went into Barnes and Noble today because I had a gift certificate.  I wasn't even going looking for a book but I was chasing Thomas around the store.  I ended up near the nutrition section and saw this book title, I Can Make You Thin by Paul McKenna.  It seemed like a non-diet book.  I got it without really looking into it too deeply because my almost two year old was having fun throwing down every book he could get his hands on, I mean every single book.  Oh my, he is wild.  I got home tonight and started reading it.  I finished the book a while ago, all 140 plus pages.  It is incredible.  One of the first things it mentioned is not weighing.  His approach is the four golden rules.  First, only eat when you are truly hungry(not ravenous and almost throwing up you are so hungry, but gentle hunger pains).  Second, he says to eat what your body is really desiring.  Third, really slow down and take the time to enjoy each bite.  Savor it, think about it, etc.  Fourth, stop when you are pleasantly satisfied.  Not stuffed but politely full :+).  This is not a diet.  It seems like a way to really keen in on the body and how God made it to fill itself appropriately for energy.  I feel like this may be the healthy approach I have been praying for.  I am going to give it a try.  If I eat when my body is telling me I am hungry and stop when I am satisfied, I don't need the scale to be my monitor.  I am using the natural system that God created in me.  Hey, we will see.  I will certainly keep you updated.  To be free from scale and diets, wow!! That would be awesome.  God, give me wisdom to follow your ways and give me hope that you can truly change me.  Moving forward in faith.
Fran

Day 13a

I haven't been able to run the past two days because I pulled a muscle in my back.  It has made me want to weigh myself, but I am not.  I haven't gone back to the gym since weighing myself last because it is too tempting to have the scale staring me in the face.  However, all can do all things through Him who gives me strength.  We will see.  I want to be wise about staying away from things that may be tempting while at the same time using my money well that I have spent on the gym.  I realized that running (even if it is intervals) cannot take the place of being faithful to what God has called me to.  I needed this little reminder(with not being able to run) that it is not about controlling externals.  It is about the heart.  I am having a hard time trying to find out what will be most honoring to God with my eating.  I need to really be seeking Him for wisdom on this instead of trying to figure it out myself.  I definitely know He doesn't want me to go to extremes.  He doesn't want me to be a glutton and He doesn't want me to starve myself either.  What is hardest for me is being consistent with something healthy.  I don't finish many things well.  I start a ton, but don't remain very consistent.  Thank goodness Jesus finished things well.  I pray to finish things well today.  Just for today from this point on.  Not worth it to focus on tomorrow or the sins in the past I have already been forgiven on.  Help me to be faithful today Jesus.
Fran

Day 12a

God is in the business of rescuing us.  Daniel 6:27, "He rescues and He saves; he performs signs and wonders in the heavens and on the earth."  I need Jesus.  I need Him to rescue me from sin.  I was thinking today that my ultimate goal in this is to let me food be to do the will of him who sent me.  I want to get to the place that my day is spent praying for others, praising God, and serving others instead of thinking about food.  I heard today about an Iranian pastor on the verge of execution standing up for his faith, a mother of three just diagnosed with breast cancer, and a dear couple at our church whose husband is going to Cuba to do door to door ministry.  When I think I these three, I don't want to eat.  I want to pray for them.  I want to pray that Jesus will do a miracle in their lives and in their ministry.  I want that Iranian pastor to be rescued, I want that mother to be healed, I want that friend to have great success in sharing God's word in Cuba.  Jesus, help my "food" this week to be to pray for them.   I love the fact that I am starting to realize that I am dependent on Jesus.  I like that I am weak because when I am weak, He is strong.  (2 Corinthians 12:7-10).  More of you, less of me.
Fran

Day 11a

I have wasted a lot of time and money in the past thinking about food, diets, running, scales, etc.  I have had to repent to the Lord about not using the things He has given wisely.  I was just thinking what it would look like if I took the money that I normally spend on fast food, gyms, scales, etc. and using it to serve others.  That is what counts for eternity.  Though I have wasted a lot of time and money, God still shows his mercy and grace.  Joel 2:25 says, "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten".  I have wasted a lot but God in His grace can, in a way, give me back those years.  I want to use those "grace years" serving Him and serving others.  I think I need to give up fast food.  It has become an idol as well.  I would be so embarrassed to know how much I have spent on soft drinks, hamburgers, etc at the drive through window.  I am actually going to be taking more cases at work to help pay back some of the money I have wasted.  No one in my family is making me do this.  I just feel that it is right.  I feel like I need to have that discipline.  The good thing is that even though I am working to pay back bad mistakes, I don't have to work to earn God's favor and love.  It is unconditional love that is not dependent on me.  It is all based on the work of Jesus on the cross, taking my sin, nailing it to the cross, and rising from the dead to defeat sin and death.  Romans 6:23, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord".  Still no scales.  I don't have that strong desire to weigh right now like I did at the beach.  God, help me to continue on this journey of freedom.  It just thundered so loud outside.  God is so powerful.  The same God that controls the sky, lightning, rain, wind with just a word is the same God who loves me and gives me new mercy every morning.  YAY!!! 
Fran

Day 10a

Humility is key!  God is showing me that I have not fully given Him my whole life.  I still was trying to hold on to different things to show that I could do it.  That I didn't need His help.  Boy was I wrong.  I am seeing that we, as humans, are so frail.  We need God.  I thought for so many years that I could be healthy and balanced and justified on my own.  I only dug a deeper hole for myself.  My pride has blinded me to how big of a hole I dug for myself.  James 4:6 says that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.  Jesus, continue to break my pride and show me my need for you.  You are my creator.  I need you for life and godliness.  On another note, I didn't realize how wounded I became with "weight issues" from comments that were told to me in my early teen years.  I was running cross country and was started to be pretty good by my freshman year in high school.  My body was maturing though, and I had gained weight coming back my 9th grade year after the summer.  My coach told me to lose some weight and my dad told me during high school as well that he would buy me a car if I lost weight.  That devastated me.  I tried to deal with the hurt by dieting and running longer and faster, but that did not heal the pain.  It crushed me that two people I admired so much saw a problem with me.  I started achieving more, running more to try and justify myself to them.  In fact, it started then, but I still see those patterns today.  Today it looks like running more, trying to go back to school to have a more prestigious job, still trying to get my body back to what it was the summer before my 9th grade year, trying to impress others, etc.  Jesus, however, says, I love you completely and totally in your mess right now.  You are justified to me.  Cease trying and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10).  Rest in my love because I love you with a love that will never compare to anything in this world right now just as you are.  I am loved.  I am loved enough to be healed by my Creator.  I am worthy because I am child of THE MOST HIGH GOD, JESUS.
Fran

Day 7a-9a

I just got back from the beach.  I did not have internet access so I could not post on Friday and Saturday.  No scale so far.  I must admit.  I really wanted to use it on Friday.  I ate more than I should have Friday and got fearful.  My baby was up most of the night, and I just felt the stress piling on.  I was almost a little anxious about it to be quite honest.  However, I did not go try to find a scale.  Normally, in the past, I would have found a Target or Wal-Mart and used a scale or bought one and hid it.  Crazy, I know.  I laid in bed that night thinking it is about me making long term healthy decisions that honor God and not giving in to that idol.  I wanted it, but I know God is more powerful.  I woke up the next morning and went on a run for health.  In the past, I would have ran 12+ miles to cover me for the day before.  I didn't even though I wanted to.  I can't live like a yo yo for the rest of my life.  I want to be balanced.  I want to be about my Father's business.  I am really seeking God about what I personally need to do as far as eating.  When I overate in the past, I would turn to my scale to get back down to where I needed to be quickly.  It would usually just take a day or two to get back where I felt comfortable.  This has been a "unhealthy treadmill" that I stay on but can't get off of.  I get nowhere.  I don't digress weight wise, but I don't move forward with my relationship with the Lord.  I want to move ahead and not stay stuck.  Jesus, give me wisdom for the best, healthy food plan that can get my focus off food, diet, scale, etc and onto your kingdom.  I am going to talk to a wise, godly, healthy man tomorrow and run all of this by him to get his take.  Pray for wisdom from this.   One thing I did realize, I spent a lot of time thinking about this over the weekend and hardly no time in God's Word.  First mistake, I know.  Forgive me Jesus. 
Fran

Day 6a

Just went on a run at the dam.  When I started, there was a  light sprinkle but then it turned into an all out downpour.  It was so fun running in the pouring rain.  On the way home, I saw a little sprinkler watering someone's grass while it was pouring rain.  I was thinking that I am like the grass with that little sprinkler.  I work so hard on my own to get that little bit of water from the sprinkler when God is ready to give a downpour of His blessing if I will just walk in obedience.  Going to the beach today with friends.  Usually I would try to run a LONG way and starve myself the day before to have a good number on the scale.  Ridiculous!  I ran a little way this morning to be healthy, and my goal is to have three reasonable meals today.  Who cares how I look in a bathing suit?  I want to go and enjoy the people God has placed in my life and hopefully encourage them in some way.  No scale today.
Fran