More to Come

I haven't ended my blog.  I am just taking a few days to figure out what God is really saying to me as far as this issue is concerned.  I want to make sure I am walking in step with Him.  I don't want to run ahead without wisdom guiding me.  I also want to make sure that this blog is for His glory.

New Day

Okay, so I have been taking the past few days to go before the Lord, confess my sin, and think about why I am doing this.  The reason for this journey is to develop a lifelong obedience to choosing God over my scale.  My long term goal is to weigh myself one time a month just to check in and not to use my scale like I have in the past which was several times a day.  I failed on Thursday and was pretty beaten up over it.  However, thank goodness for God's grace.  I don't deserve it.  That one act of disobedience nailed Jesus to the cross.  I want to please Him, but I am human.  I messed up.  I was encouraged by the Lord to repent and press forward, forgetting what is behind and moving forward for His glory.....so, that is what I am doing.  However, with the wisdom of some godly council I have decided to start doing what I want to do for the rest of my life.... having a once a month check in just to make sure I am staying a healthy weight for Christ alone....not too big, not too little.  Letting that be a 5 second check in and moving forward with my walk with Christ.  Once a month, no more, no less....so, that is what I am doing.  I am labeling this Month One.  I want to start now finding a healthy balance with eating and weighing that I feel is what God is calling me to do to keep the focus off of me and on Him.  I am a sinner.  I messed up, but thanks be to God whose mercies are new every morning.  Jesus, help me not to take your mercy and grace for granted.  I am so grateful for it.  I sinned.  Thank you for forgiving me.  Help me not to sulk in defeat.  Help me to move forward walking in your truth and being a light.  I need you not every day but every second of the day.
Fran

Day 1b

I weighed myself.  I let fear creep in.  I am very discouraged for sinning against Jesus in this way.  It almost felt impossible not to weigh myself today.  I felt like I had gained a ton of weight along with two stressful situations happening at work that were frustrating me.  In addition, I felt like my eating had been out of control lately.  I felt fat and frustrated and did it out of fear.  I admit that what I did was a sin and that I blew it.  Jesus, please forgive me.  This thing is so much bigger than I am.  I really do feel powerless over it.  I am sorry.  Not only have I let you down but many others. 
Fran

Day 54a

I love that Jesus never gives up on His children.  He will do what it takes in their lives to bring them to repentance.  1 Peter 3:9, "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness.  He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."  Jesus thank you for your heart.  You want all to come to repentance.  Your desire is that no one would perish.  Thank you that you wanted to help me and heal me.  I pray that my healing will bring about a greater fruit in my life to serve you and love others deeply :+)  1 Peter 3:11 goes on to say, "Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be?  You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed it coming."  Jesus, help me to live a godly and holy life.  I still want to use my scale at times, sometimes I REALLY DO.  Keep reminding me that you give so much more joy and peace than a piece of metal.  I am realizing the more I am getting into God's Word the more I desire it.  I want more and more of it.  Let your Word, your truth, continue to set me free, to continue to set all your children free.
Fran

Day 52a-Day 53a

God is teaching me to ask Him continually to change my heart to be more like Him.  He is showing me every time I have a thought about something that someone else needs to change, that I need to look at myself.  I want to be like Christ, but I have a long way to go.  I am excited about the journey though.  I am so excited about Him dissecting each area of my heart and showing me each day how I can be a little more like Him.  One area He keep placing on my heart is to Love Him and love one another DEEPLY.  I don't naturally love people DEEPLY, but He has called me to love everyone deeply.  I was talking to a difficult client yesterday, and God pressed on my heart before I spoke to her that I need to pray fervently that she would come to know the Lord and have peace and joy that can only be found in Him.  I want to see her come to Christ.  I am excited to see what God can do in her life.  I don't want to just see her as a phone call that I need to get through.  I want to see her in eternity.  1 Peter 4:8,"Above all, love each other deeply because love covers a multitude of sins."  Jesus, help me to love everyone as you do, EVERYONE!!  Thank you that you love me deeply.  Thank you that  you want to be with me on this journey of turning to you and not my scales. 
Fran

Day 51a

My children and I went to spend the night with my parents last night because my husband was away on a men's retreat with church.  I walked in my mom's bathroom and there was her scale just staring at me.  I stopped and had a conversation with the Lord.  I told him that yes I desired to use it, but that I wanted to choose Him over the scale.  I wanted to serve him fully and an idol in my life.  Each time I went in the bathroom I had a conversation with Him.  I even had to say out loud one time that I choose you Lord over the scale.  You are more important.  You give eternal peace and joy.  He helped me stand up under temptation the whole time I was there.  He is so good.  Thank you Jesus.  I still must go to Him in every temptation.  I am so weak but He is so strong.  All the glory to Him alone.
Fran

Day 49a-Day50a

I celebrated my 50th day of scale free by running the Governor's Cup Half Marathon.  I wanted to do it with a purpose, so I decided to use the run as a time to pray.  It was a great time of fellowship with the Lord.  Here is how it broke down:
Mile 1-time of confession and repentance
Mile 2- praise to the Lord
Mile 3-prayed for Lucy
Mile 4-prayed for Dobson
Mile 5-more praise to God
Mile 6-prayed for Davis
Mile 7-prayed for Thomas
Mile 8-more confession and repentance
Mile 9-prayed for Gabriel
Mile 10-prayed for America and the church in America
Mile 11-prayed for persecuted believers across the world
Mile 12-more praise to God
Mile 13-Come Lord Jesus
It was a great time to spend praying and made the run go by quite quickly as well.  I was totally dependent on the Lord during the race.  I have a bad knee and it was letting me know it was not doing well.  It could have gone out at any second.  I prayed that Jesus would let me finish so I could use that time praying for Him.  It lasted!!  Thank you Jesus.
Fran

Day 48a

Wow!  Last night was rough.  Out of nowhere, I got this huge desire to weigh myself because I got scared.  I was afraid that I was gaining weight, and I needed something to tell me what direction to head.  I felt like I needed to weigh myself to know what path to go down.  I even started to justify ways that I could weigh myself just once.  I went to God's word and read,  "Be careful not to forget the covenant of the LORD your God that he made with you; do not make for yourselves an idol in the form of anything the LORD your God has forbidden. For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God."  Deuteronomy 4:23-24  God stopped me in my panic and reminded me that above all else, He comes first in my life.  He is my reason for living.  I want to trust Him not my scale.  He is so much greater.  He gives so much peace and joy.  My scale only brought me anxiety and feelings of unworthiness.  I walked in obedience and did not use the scale, don't get me wrong, the feeling side of me wanted to so bad, but I chose to walk by faith.  Today, I am back to feeling at peace with it.  It was a trial.  It was hard, but I pray Jesus got the glory.  Jesus, continue to help me be faithful to you.  I love you Jesus.

Fran
 

– Deuteronomy 4:23-24 (NIV)

 

 

Day 44a- Day 47a

It is hard being away from the scale.  It is showing me that I really need the Lord in this.  If it were easy, I would feel like I was doing it on my own.  I know that I could fall in a second if I take my eyes off of Jesus.  I have such a draw to know what the number is on the scale.  My clothes feel pretty much the same since I started this venture, but it is still hard not knowing the actual number.  It has been what has defined me the past few years.  I want Jesus to be what defines me.  I want to look at myself and see Christ's ambassador, His beloved child, the object of His redemption.  He is the God of the universe, so He is the one who gets to define me.  I don't even have that right.  I am not Mrs. 133 pounds, I am Fran Ricks, daughter of the King.  Sounds corny, but it is something I need to say over and over again.  God set His affection on me not because of my weight but because He chose to love me.  My job, appearance, family, friends, etc don't define me, It is Christ alone.  Thank you Jesus. 
Fran