Day 32a

Thank you Jesus.  I was able to have another lunch time where I focused on Jesus instead of food.  Wow!  That is really so much more filling.  One thing I need from the Lord is hope that He can change me.  It is crazy how when we get stuck in a bad pattern we think that we cannot change.  My thoughts say,  you have done this for too long.  You will never be able to truly break this.  Well, I will never be able to truly break it, but God can.  He is stronger than any stronghold, depression, habit, generational sin, etc.  He is strong enough, and He is able.  Jesus, give me faith as small as a mustard seed to believe that.  Give me faith for today.  Help me to see that change is possible in this life because we are more than conquerors through You who loves us (Romans 8:37).  God showed me today that I need to continue to humble myself.  I cannot be prideful in any aspect of my life.  I have been a social worker for ten years now.  I have become pretty confident in it, but I still need God to be a good social worker.  I made a mistake recently that I shouldn't have made, but I did.  I was not seeking God for the answers but was trying to make a situation work through my own effort.  I made a bad decision because I got cocky.  Jesus, please keep me from pride.  1 Peter 5:6, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand , that he may lift you up in due time."  Jesus, I need to be humbled that you may be glorified, in work, eating, relationships, etc.  I cannot leave you or your wisdom for a second.  Please forgive me for not seeking you with work and food.  Help me to repent and walk in obedience.  Thank you that you are for restoration and not condemnation.  Set my heart on eternity for today, for this moment.
Fran

Day 31a

I had some victory at lunch today.  YAY!!  Thank you Jesus.  I realized from giving up stuff at lunch that food is definitely too important.  I felt there was something lacking when I didn't get fast food.  I see the benefit of continuing to give the Lord my lunch and say yes Jesus you are more important than lunch, fast food, etc.  When I am less focused on food, I can focus more on God's kingdom.  I had a great time during lunch talking to a friend.  It was nice focusing on the friend instead of what I was eating.  It felt really good.  What I didn't get with fast food, I gained in a good conversation that was hopefully encouraging.  It was definitely encouraging to me.  It is so easy to fall though.  If I don't keep my mind on Jesus, I will fall in a second.  1 Corinthians 10:13, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.  And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear,  But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."  Thank you for being faithful Jesus.  That you that you are the one that rescues us and provides a way out when we need it.  You always prove yourself faithful.  Help me to  be faithful to you.  Help this to be one of my spiritual acts of worship.  Praying I can give up food even more throughout the day tomorrow and say, "God, I love you more than this food." 
Fran

Day 30a

Okay, so I do need to address my issues with 1. fast food and 2. eating a little more than I should everyday.  It is not an all out glutton fest like I use to do, but hey, sin is sin.  I am going to call it by name.  I eat more than I need to each day.  Proverbs 23:21, "for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags".  I looked at my credit card statement for this past month.  Seeing it on paper was quite embarrassing for me.  I went to fast food places way more than I would like to admit in a month's time.  I was convicted.  Let me stop right there, convicted but not condemned.  I am covered by God's Grace.  God wants repentance for me, new life. Romans 6:4, "We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."  John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.  I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  Satan wants to destroy me.  He wants me to be condemned, to feel there is no hope, no life.  Jesus came to destroy the work of Satan.  He came to be a living hope and be the giver of new life.  He wants repentance from me because He loves me, not because he wants to destroy me.  I don't know about you, but I want that.  I want the Lord of the Universe to give me life.  I want him to destroy the work of the devil in my life.  Okay, so back to the credit card.  I am not only holding fast food up as an idol, I am robbing my family and Christ.  That money needs to be used for eternal purposes, not on my stomach.  Forgive me Jesus.  So, I realized lunch is when I tend to get fast food whether it be a coke or a combo meal and lunch is when I tend to eat more than I should.  Maybe Jesus is trying to tell me something.  What if I spend lunch worshiping my Father and dying to self.  Hmmmm!  Jesus lead me in your wisdom and truth.  I am so much in need of your grace.  Thank you that it was freely given by your death and resurrection.  Romans 6:23, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Eternal life is through Christ alone.  It can be found nowhere else.  Thank you Jesus.
Fran

Day 28a-Day 29a

God wants us to be going to Him continually for wisdom, strength, help with temptation, forgiveness when we have sinned.  It hit me yesterday that abiding means a continually going to Jesus for these things.  I need to go to him right away when I am struggling with idolatry, resentment, jealousy, etc.  I need to stop what I am doing and say, Jesus, right now, I am really having a hard time with this, can you please help me or Jesus, I see a man over there that seems to be struggling, give me wisdom with how I can show love to this person.  I want to have minute by minute conversation with my Savior.  Going to him once a day, is not enough-I am too weak.  I need Him constantly.  We all do.  1Thessalonians 5:17, "Pray continually."   It gives on to say vs. 18, "give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus".  I need to not only go to God continually with my requests, hardships, struggles, etc. , I need to be on my knees thanking Him continually for who He is, His love for us, His provisions.  It is amazing that we have the right to approach Him and actually be able to speak with Him.  Hebrews 4:15-16, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin.  Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  Jesus, I need you today.  I can't be a faithful servant for more than a few minutes without your grace.  I love you.  I will say, humbly, that the scale seems to be coming a little less important recently. 
Fran

Day 26a-27a

I ran with a super, in shape friend today, I mean extremely in shape.  I was able to run the whole 6.3 miles with her, but boy it pushed my body in a way it hasn't felt since training for my last marathon, probably even harder.  It feels good when your body can really push itself and do something harder than it is normally use to.  I left feeling like I wanted to be healthy, not emaciated or gaunt, but healthy.  She has a Master in Health Science and has been an avid fitness expert for years.  She was talking about the importance of being balanced with food.  Not being so extreme that you never enjoy sweets or good stuff but not being overly lazy with food where you are an all-out glutton.  It seems to be all about balance.  Not over or under eating, not over or under exercising, not going to extreme that you can never keep for life, but living a balanced healthy life that honors God.  I then had lunch with a good friend who was sharing with me all she has learned from the Lord.  We talked about fasting, not to lose weight, but to honor God.  Using the absence of food for a short period to focus on the Lord and His work in the world.  Isaiah 58:6-7, "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and  untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?  Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?"  It goes on to say that as a result of this vs. 8, "Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard."  As well as vs. 9, "Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say:  Here I am."  Wow!  That is powerful, speaks for itself.
Fran

Day 25a

I was talking at lunch with two great friends, and they hit the nail on the head.  There is nothing on earth that can satisfy in the long run, but Jesus.  Some girls think if I could just get  a husband, then I will be content.  Others who are married say, if my husband would just understand me or act like that husband over there, then I will be content.  Other "just ifs" are a good job, a great body, wealth, children who are well round or just children in general, great friends, etc.  However, all these things will fail at some point.  They were not meant to fulfill our ultimate desire of knowing Jesus.  That is why Jesus wants us to come to Him, not because he is a "conceited God" but because He knows our ultimate best is found in Him.  He loves us and wants us to be fulfilled.  These other things are not bad and can give lots of joy if they are in their proper place.  They were never meant to take Jesus' place.  Jesus, if you are the ultimate desire of my soul, help me saturate myself in your Word.  Help me be the branches on your vine of everlasting life, peace, joy, etc.  John 15:5, "I am the vine; you are the branches.  If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."  We have to be connected to the source of life, that is Jesus alone.  We can only live content, productive "eternal" lives, if we are abiding in Him.  For me, I have to be abiding constantly.  If I turn to the side for even a second, it falls apart pretty quickly.  I need Jesus.  Jesus, you are my life source.  Keep me abiding in you.  John 15:9, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.  Now remain in my love."  Remain with Jesus.  Nothing else will satisfy like Him. 
Fran

Day 23a-24a

I have been running a little more the past couple of days to train for the Governor's Cup Road Race, not sure yet whether I am going to run the half marathon or the 5miler.  I was thinking as I running yesterday that this is enjoyable when I am not doing it to try to fix the number on the scale.  There was no pressure.  I could run for the fun of it and not to accomplish my weight goal.  It is so nice when your body feels healthy, when it is being pushed in a healthy way.  You really do get a runner's high after you have gone farther than you thought you could.   That is my goal.  To be healthy, to push my self in healthy ways with healthy goals.  To be healthy for the purpose of going out and sharing God's love however He may want me to that day.  Different focus on healthy, but I believe a better focus.  Wow!  It is crazy how I can just go run an hour, no problem, but you tell me to eat right for a day--IMPOSSIBLE!  I am glad it is so hard though, because I have to rely on God.  I really can't do this without Him.  I have tried for twenty plus years.  I think the longest I went eating healthy was one month.  I am weak, but He is strong.  The biggest thing for me to remember though is that there is always hope when we have Jesus.  That is what I always tell the patients I am working with that are suicidal or depressed.  Don't give up hope.  It can get better.  Hope is so vital to living.  "Christ in you, the hope of glory"(Colossians 1:27). Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed-(1 Peter1:13).
Fran